scribbles + flying

"Let the little children come to me.."

2011-03-31T11:18:00.000-07:00

Hello blogosphere! I'm back to tell you some exciting news & to covet your prayers.

To celebrate our one-year anniversary, Tim and I have decided to take a week trip to Columbia and Panama. The motivation for this trip is to visit a very special little boy that God has sovereignly allowed Tim to meet about 5 years ago through an organization called “Compassion International.” His name is Alberto Jose Arrieta Zabaleta and he’s a nine-year-old living in the projects about 20 minutes southeast of Cartagena, Columbia where Tim and I will be staying.

Compassion International is an organization whose commitment and mission I respect and increasingly grow in love for. In the past, I participated in humanitarian programs like Amizade (the Portuguese word for “friendship”) and Habitat for Humanity in different areas of Latin America. I have come to appreciate those as primarily mercy ministries where the focus is on providing physical aid and shelter and increasing potential.

As I got married, God has taught me more about His incredible love for children through books like “Adopted for Life” by Russell Moore and passages like Matthew 11:25 and 19:14. Serving at Lighthouse Bible Church’s Fireflies ministry has given me a glimpse of how significant and precious a call it is to raise a child up in the fear and admonition of the Lord – to be honest, this terrifies me as I think about how I might be given care over my own little one’s soul in the next few years. It's because I’ve witnessed how important the formative years are in shaping a child’s growth & instilling Truth. It is important to provide physical amenities, but also to take in consideration the important task of sowing seeds of the gospel.

It’s because of all these things that I’m thankful for organizations like Compassion International. They are crystal clear in their commitment to the Word and state in their mission statement that they exist "as an advocate for children, to release them from their spiritual, economic, social and physical poverty and enable them to become responsible and fulfilled Christian adults."

They are "Christ centered, child focused, church based, and committed to integrity." You can find out more for yourself via the Compassion website.

As God provides these opportunities to support those who are doing gospel work overseas, especially in the lives of children, I am growing in my urgency & joy in being a part of it. There's no shortage of organizations that are trying to also do this kind of work - I encourage you to look into one you're passionate about & invest in eternal things!

If you have time, please pray for our time in Cartagena:

· That we’d be able to build a relationship with Alberto & his family
· For wisdom and discernment re: cultural differences & spiritual exhortation
· For opportunities to share of our faith in the one true gospel
· For travel safety
· That Christ would be the one to shine the most brightly in our lives, and that we would give all glory to Him in all things

We are growing more and more excited and nervous as our ETA draws nearer! We will be gone from April 13^th-20^th. Thank you for praying for us friends, and we’ll make sure to post pictures & updates once we get back!

the word "alto"

2011-01-28T11:32:00.000-08:00

“Alto” is a familiar Spanish word - it means “STOP” and is pasted on every red octagonal stop sign in Latin America. It was also one of the first words I learned in the language, but not as an imperative, as an adjective. Alto also meaning, “high. upward. tall.”

Stephanie es alta.

True and false. Stephanie is not tall or high or upward. But she has stopped. Stopped what?

Somewhere along the way, I’ve graduated college, traveled for work, got engaged & married…and stopped. Writing, that is.

Life has a way of revealing bitter realities to you - most people in this world don’t truly want your best. They just want you to hurry up, or at least get out of the way so you don’t hold up the rest of the line. That’s one I learned in 2008.

Another was…my thoughts are not so special or original. Everything I wrote in college - at the Goldfish Cafe, at the Claire de Lune Cafe; in any cafe that set the mood with vintage furniture, bright colored walls, big cups and chai lattes - seemed truly inspired. But as I got older, it became harder to find the one golden thread amongst the thousands of brown ones. Maybe it’s because I could only imagine things unfolding a certain way. Maybe creativity does have its limitations & that’s why everything in this world just keeps repeating itself. Repeating itself. Repeating itself.

And slowly, but surely, I began to believe that my inspiration was truly spent and that I hit the wall, my dreams intangible and only attainable in wistful asides.

But I learned something, early for even this young, fresh 2011. As God creates every man into His image, and makes each creature refreshingly unique, yet universally connected for all our heartaches, troubles, goals, sins through One Creator, what motivates & propels us forward isn’t the hope for ingenuity or winning the rat race, but the hope for something greater. The upward call. Christ. I’d write more about this, but one of my resolutions is to finish what I start - and I don’t think I’d be able to finish that thought here.

So even though most people would rather you hole away in your home forever than clog up the fast lane on the freeway, I find there are a precious few who have also received the calling to make their lives about something much more essential than picketing about and stamping their feet over their own preferences and petty jealousies - finding the glory of God and turning it all back to Him, and loving people, truly loving them and being loved in return.

Alto. Here’s to hoping that Stephanie es alta this 2011 - not Stephanie is stop,as I was much of 2010.Stephanie is upward! I don’t care if that doesn’t make sense - I’m terribly rusty at writing now, but I’m confident it’ll come back to me, as an old friend.

If I take the next two, three posts to rant about my break-up with writing, bear with me. I give you full permission to skim or *gasp* not read at all.

shortcomings.

2010-11-02T22:37:00.000-07:00

"O Living God,

I bless Thee that I see the worst of my heart as well as the best of it,

that I can sorrow for those sins that carry me from Thee,

that it is Thy deep and dear mercy to threaten punishment

so that I may return, pray, live.

My sin is to look on my fault and be discouraged,

or to look on my good and be puffed up.

I fall short of Thy glory every day by spending hours unprofitably,

by thinking that the things I do are good,

when they are not done to Thy end,

nor spring from the rules of Thy Word.

My sin is to fear what will never be;

I forget to submit to Thy will, and fail to be quiet there.

But Scripture teaches me that Thy active will reveals a steadfast purpose on my behalf,

and this quietens my soul, and makes me love Thee.

Keep me always in the understanding that saints mourn more for sin than other men,

for when they see how great is Thy wrath against sin,

and how Christ's death alone pacifies that wrath,

that makes them mourn the more.

Help me to see that although I am in the wilderness

it is not all briars and barrenness.

I have bread from heaven, streams from the rock, light by day, fire by night,

Thy dwelling place and Thy mercy seat.

I am sometimes discouraged by the way,

but though winding and trying, it is safe and short;

Death dismays me, but my Great High Priest stands in its waters,

and will open me a passage,

and beyond it is a better country.

While I live, let me life be exemplary,

when I die, may my end be peace."

- "Shortcomings, Valley of Vision."

belated father's day.

2010-06-21T21:31:00.001-07:00

yesterday tim & i went up to LA to celebrate the most underrated holiday of the year - fajah's day =). i sincerely think father's day got the short end of the stick when it comes to holidays. people get excited over memorial day, labor day, president's day, st. patrick's day, mother's day...not to mention the big cheese holidays: thanksgiving, christmas, new years, etc. any holiday that: a) gets them the day off of work or school, or b) involves presents.

i wish that weren't the case. in my heart, i wish i did so much more for my dad yesterday than take him out to dinner. i wish i could do something grand enough for him to lift away the burdens from his shoulders, something that could show the fullest expression of my gratitude for his years of hard work.

but that's not really what he wants. whenever we ask him what he wants for his birthday or christmas, his answer is the same, unfailingly: "i just want to spend time with you guys." haha, inevitably, we go out and buy the latest gadget for him anyway (the latest: the kindle from amazon courtesy of pj & the sis) which we know he loves fiddling around with.

marriage has done a many amazing things - for one thing, it finally dawned on me that i haven't understood my parents for most of my life (and still). it's like a cloud's been lifted from my head and i'm starting to see things clearly. some of the thoughts i've had in the past few months were:

"whoa, mom is really good at (fill in the blank)" - this thought comes to my mind whenever she comes down and "tsks" over my inadequate house cleaning & leaves the place sparkling, goes out with me to pick furniture, decorate the house, organize, etc. she's a master of the home, and i am just beginning to learn from her.
"i didn't know dad knew that about me" - during our wedding reception, my dad was really frank in his speech about my weaknesses & strengths and encouraged tim and me to continue to grow as individuals within our marriage, to help each other love Christ. i vividly remember some of the stuff he said, things i hadn't put to words yet but must've known in my heart. i'm learning to listen to him more closely when he shares advice & his thoughts.
"this must be how they felt" - my parents got married when they were about the same age that tim and i are now, maybe a year earlier? anyway. the world tells me that i'm too young to be married, and a lot of times i'm tempted to agree - especially when i show signs of immaturity, inexperience, lack of perseverence....when my horns are especially green, my feet are extra tender. i look back and wonder how they did it - my mom was young, married, and in a foreign country where she had no friends or family. my dad was working a lot, dealing with family issues, and trying to be the lead for his wife. and neither of them were saved. they didn't have the community i have at church, surrounded by a crowd of believers who have been running the race & encouraging us as newlyweds that the way is narrow, but good - that there is great hope in Christ and the gospel, especially when things get hard.

tim asked me on the drive up to LA, "what's your earliest memory of your dad?" hard as i tried, i couldn't remember very much, sad i know. i was an overly excitable, rambunctious, spunky kid, so a lot of my memories were of getting into trouble by my dad. i know if i rack my brain hard enough, i'd be able to recall some meaningful father-daughter moments (like our tradition of going to baskin robbins & blockbusters, this one korean folksy song he'd sing and i'd finish, the talks i'd have with him as i grew older, the one time i had a migraine in jr. high & he picked me up and rented the sequel to lion king and made me canned soup, etc.)

yet i know why i'm so deeply thankful for my dad - he's been the one person over the past 24 years that has shown me what it means to love unconditionally, how to stand by someone even when it hurts, an example of what it means to live by principle & also passion.

he told me when i made the decision not to go to graduate school, "i'm so disappointed. i don't know how i'll be able to get over this. but, you're still my daughter, and i will always love you." at the time, those words crushed me, but looking back, i marvel at the depth of love behind his words. he had big dreams, huge hopes for his girls, but he wasn't going to reject us if we didn't embrace his expectations for our lives. he just wanted the best for us, for us to max out our potential and see what it's like to be at the top of our game, to be filled out emotionally, spiritually and experientially as adults.

my dad is a reminder to me of my relationship to my Heavenly Father, really. the difference, of course, is that my dad is flawed & imperfect, a sinner. but, the same way i know i can run to my dad, i know i come to the throne of grace to my Loving and Perfect Father with nothing to offer, no wisdom to impart, but fully embraced & protected. how could God rescue me? this wretched & forgetful hater of good? how does He keep patiently teaching me & loving me, shepherding my thoughts & motives to worship? how does He embrace His prodigal son and weep for joy at his return? more than my helplessness or depravity, this proclaims His mercy & lovingkindness, His longsuffering and compassion.

i love my dad, with all my heart. he's not an old codger yet (still in his early 50's!), but it's humbling to see time take its toll on his body & energy too. i have an eternity to spend with my Father in heaven, but this one life to appreciate and honor my earthly dad.

cajun chicken pasta.

2010-06-03T13:42:00.000-07:00

tim gave me my first under-4 rating (out of 5 stars)! i whipped this together using a recipe on a blog i follow. yummmMmm. it looked delicioso on the original post. but my cajun chicken pasta looked NOTHING like it was supposed to. i don't think it was supposed to be as saucy as it turned out to be, and the colors were supposed to be much more vibrant. also, if computers had taste-o-vision, i'm sure it didn't taste anything like it was supposed to either.

but no worries! i liked it because of the kick from the cajun & cayenne spices. however, as mentioned in a previous post, the hubs bubs has very different taste buds from mine, sSooooOo tim gave it a 3.5.

whoa!!! i think the only reason he rated it so high was because the parmesan garlic bread was the bomb diggity - i'll definitely be making that again.

cajun chicken pasta (cajun spice, cayenne pepper, heavy whipping cream, linguini pasta, onions, bell peppers, veg oil, butter, garlic): al dente pasta - nom nom nom, spicy cajun chicken sauce - up for debate. it was too spicy for tim, perfecto for me.

parmesan garlic bread (parmesan flakes, garlic, butter): delishiouzz!! crunchy crust, chewy bread, savory - did i mention bread is THE ultimate? i can eat an entire baguette in one sitting. so good - especially the costco la brea bakery breads when they've JUST been baked.

oven-roasted broccoli (broccoli, salt, pepper, garlic): soft & chewy, mild. this was the healthy portion of the meal.

=) i haven't been posting up too many of our cooking adventures lately because we've been going on mini-vacays & attending weddings. photos from those will probably go into one massive post. also, we've been getting busier & busier lately. our meal planning, scheduling, & budgeting is getting more organized out of sheer necessity - there are some nights both of us have stuff to do & can't eat dinner at home.

strangely enough, it's during this busy time that God is quieting my heart & reminding me of the need to meditate on His truths to take me through the day to day in a way that is pleasing to Him and a blessing to my husband. it's by His superabundant grace that the meditations of my heart and the words of my mouth don't act as poison, but a healing balm.

it's a little known fact, but we trekked through the valleys very early on in our marriage. for a while, the shadow of my sins & struggles suffocated & paralyzed me. it's true that we had our honeymoon phase in exploring places & hobbies together & being excited about the novelties, but in our young marriage, God has already begun to form conviction in our hearts regarding love, church, children, finances. i openly admit that i am not a great wife - our house is always in slight disarray, i'm forgetful, i constantly prioritize work over the things that i need to do at home, i'm a spitfire & argumentative (though i know i seem lighthearted & calm to most).

but it's amazing how the Lord works all for good - we're hugely imperfect, but most certainly, there have been signs of growth and a deeper appreciation for how the gospel of Christ is one of mercy & not merit. we're resolved not to pursue just happiness in our marriage. we're being taught to strive to see the overwhelming greater-ness and faithfulness of God in all of life's joys & hardships. may we always become lesser and Him greater - this is the growing desire of the Yu's!

"real gold fears no fire..." - safely home by randy alcorn.

nick of time.

2010-05-27T11:07:00.000-07:00

ever wonder where idioms originate from? i have a couple books that identify the birth place of the popular english phrases we throw around day-to-day. ever wonder where the phrase "nick of time" came from? well, i did. and i looked it up (<-- click & find out) and now i know. i love the english language - it's as if the languages of the world came to america in cahoots. it's a language that constantly evolves & changes & adds words, etc. well, ENEEwaiz...

after a whole week of going into work covered in paint primer (the stuff doesn't come off easy!) the kitchen has been repainted just in the nick of time ;). after a 4.5 day whirlwind business trip from baltimore to d.c., the hubs is landing in san diego in T-6 hours - hurray!!! finally =). somewhere before then, i'd like to walk the dog (i'm dog-sitting this week) & paint the living room. but for now, i'm thankful tim has a clean kitchen to walk into & not a hurricane.

without further ado,

=) my readers get the first sneak peek. what thinks you? i ended up picking a pale grey with blue undertones to complement the brown, tan, white color scheme we've got going on in our house - in certain lighting, it looks lavendar, which made me panic in the beginning. BUT it grew on me, and now i think it's just lovely. =) praise our good God for giving us hands to paint & hubbies to surprise!

* EDIT: he loves it!! purple weirdness and all! =)

think outside the bun.

2010-05-24T22:38:00.000-07:00

the yu excursions into DIY life have so far been MOSTLY successful. coffee white cabinets - check! new knobs & hinges - check! furnishing the family room - check! painting the living room - check! coffee white wood paneling in the kitchen - check! bright mcdonald's orange kitchen - ch-...

...-eck. ECKK!!!! my childhood love for fast food has superseded my ability to interior design. in all honesty, i did my research. i found pictures of beautiful kitchens painted bright tangerines paired with soft whites - they looked so welcoming, happy, cheerful, kitchen-y. here's a couple pictures of what i had initially pictured in my mind:

so beautiful =). the warm orange tones create such a homey and cozy atmosphere...right?...i can't tell you what went through my mind as i finished the big wall in our dining room and took a step back at my fast-food kitchen. i was hoping to shock tim by finishing the kitchen before he came back from work. it did not go as planned. i sincerely hoped that maybe the color would soften or something when it dried...nope! i also hoped that tim, as an objective second party, would reassure me and say he loved it. well. well. WELL...?!??

well, we gave it a couple hours. we puttered back and forth through the kitchen taking care of things around the house & whatnot, glancing sadly at our mcdonald's wall...until we both sighed & gave into the inevitable. on goes the primer, on goes the search for a good paint color.

sadness! (uh..don't let the pictures of tim painting by his lonesome fool you, by the way. we work on these things together, like a team! heh heh heh). tim's away on a 5-day business trip to baltimore. i went to home depot yesterday and picked a new paint color. mwahaha, let the madness ensue. i'm really hoping this next color works out.

hahaha. i'm lovin' it. we're in process, but don't let that stop you from coming over! just because our dining room is chaotic doesn't mean our kitchen's broken...food is still being made. let's gather round the good stuff. come hungry, leave happy. don't worry, i don't feed tim junky foods all the time, we think outside the bun and eat fresh. that's eatin' good in the neighborhood. (five points for whoever can name all the fast food references correctly. hahahaha).

brain train in the membrane

2010-05-20T22:50:00.000-07:00

i've been picking up a lot of tim keller books lately. i bought "counterfeit gods" last saturday while visiting city life (redeemer church plant in boston) to see family, and i devoured it within a plane ride + half a day, give or take a couple hours. it was so heart-wrenchingly good that i finally picked up his other book "prodigal God" that i had laying around the house. i remember being similarly affected by his book "the reason for God."

this isn't a review of the book - which i heartily recommend. a lot was revealed to me by his clear teaching - if his words were a set of knives, they'd be wusthofs or shuns, "...piercing as far as the division of soul and spirit." keller's teachings have the ability to propel a chain reaction of thoughts in my mind & bring about much reflection, tears, humility, gratitude, change.

"(His) blessing makes idols unnecessary. As with Jacob, we usually discover this only after a life of 'looking for blessing in all the wrong places.' it often takes an experience of crippling weakness for us to finally discover it. that is why so many of the most God-blessed people limp as they dance for joy." - counterfeit gods

in a convo with the hubs, i was able to assess why keller's teaching is so effective for me - while tim keller is a theologian, he is also a keen anthropologist. he takes the grand truths of the Word and brings it down to real life - the nitty gritty. he examines idol-worship in our hope in politics, ideas of love, greed, and even doctrinal truths. he penetrates the fabric of the world around us through an acutely biblical lens - the workplace, motherhood, socioeconomics, racial tensions...in a way that helps me understand how everything in life exists for His good pleasure.

yet, i know there are those who will find him too intellectual, dry, urbane. hard to imagine how for one person, something can be so life-changing and to another person, dull. this man's teaching affects me in a different way than it'll affect you - there are skeletons in my closet, idol-worship in my heart that are fingerprinted differently in my life because of the past our creative God uniquely planned for me. randy alcorn's books impact tim in a more profound way than they do me. john piper's books will do for you something different than they do to me. et cetera.

i so thankful to God for the teaching of saints with a deeper understanding of the gospel & its intricacies than me - i catch glimpses of the depth & wealth of truth i am striving to understand. what all these men do imperfectly, abridgedly (made up word), God uses perfectly for His plans.

did any of you make it down this far? hahaha, i've heard so many people rant about all-text/sans-graphics posts and how boring they are (and for the most part, i have to agree), so i highly doubt it. if so, i hope you were encouraged! in all honesty, it is more fun to post up pictures & little anecdotes of life, but i do want to occasionally share the good-er stuff too =). tatafornow.

color palette.

2010-05-05T22:44:00.000-07:00

heehee. just kidding. we chose two colors to spruce up our quirky little home: one very bright and cheery color for the kitchen. one muted, soft color as an accent for the family/living spaces. pictures to come!

"it had to be done. just once."

2010-05-03T18:20:00.001-07:00

i woefully admit that i'm a bit of an achronologous blogger (i also like making up words) - meaning...i have things in queue and post them up whenever inspiration hits, regardless of when something might have happened; because of that, i say a lot of things like, "a few weeks ago.." or "a couple days ago.." or "i don't remember when this happened, but.."

soo...tim and i went to visit my my parents (the shins) in orange county during a weekend some time ago. we were killing three birds with one stone. we went to the O.C. to:

pay momma & poppa shin an overdue visit - me & tim
watch the laker game with the pops (an unfortunate game. the lakers got massacred by almost 30 points by the OC thunder) - tim & kiiiiind-of me
attend a friend's bridal shower. - me

it was an eventful weekend, encouraging, fun, et cetera. but, two things stuck out the most to me. one of the best things about being married has to be finding hilarity in the mundane.

let me preface what i'm about to write/show next by saying i had dreaded this moment since i first saw this abomination pop up on my google reader a few weeks back.

the first words tim sheepishly said to my, "oh no...." when he picked me up from charissa's bridal shower were, "it had to be done. just once."

okay, so the KFC Double Down wasn't THAT bad - definitely not the greasy, heart attack, size-of-my-face creation i was expecting. it's basically two pieces of fried chicken sandwiching bacon & cheese. don't misunderstand - i'm not saying it's GOOD. it might taste okay, but it feels completely and totally wrong.

=). here are a couple pictures from our visit to the shin home.

the backyard & my room & my sister's room. i love that my parents haven't changed a thing. i always feel like a little girl when i go home.

i'm posting a lot of food pictures. but this is the real deal - a home cooked meal from momma. after marriage & cooking up a storm in my own kitchen, i am in awe of how quickly my mom whips together these meals...and nary a crumb escapes her cleaning cloth.

so, the greatest part about eating at home has to be our pets. they are so unswervingly loving, dopey, funny, and loyal, altogether refreshing =).

loveable, covetous phoebe staring at my dad's prime rib.

a photo montage of our little pheebs & andy. they get super mopey & droopy when they sense someone is about to leave. i took these pictures in the midst of packing up. tim and i left for san diego about 10 minutes after this.

hahaha. what a pair of cuties. i think a golden retriever or a german shepherd would be the perfect addition to the Yu household, what thinks you? how fun would it be to have a little golden pup running around our home, knocking over paint cans, chewing up our pretty garden, following us around everywhere, growing up with our kids. i'm working on bringing my hubbie around to see it the same way.

p.s.: tim wanted me to make it clear that he actually said, "it had to be done. at least once." uh..please honey. JUST. once.

eat meat.

2010-04-29T22:31:00.000-07:00

i skirted around it long enough, but i couldn't escape it forever. i finally made my first steak dinner after marriage!! i know....what's the big deal? at this point, i've made fish, chicken, veggies, pastas, soups, stews, casseroles, etc. what's a measly little hunk of meat? well. a lot...but i finally made it and now i can say rib-eye steak is a part of my repertoire.

i'm not a picky eater, by no means. i am sometimes embarrassed by my junkyard appetite....by my unhealthy desire to eat hamburgers everyday (burger&fries are my comfort food - carl's jr. and red robin are my top picks). still, a girl's got her standards :). red meat is one of those things i'm really picky about when i eat it - it can't be too dry, it can't be dripping. i don't like my meat drowning in blood, in butter, or sauce. it has to be tasty, sprinkled with a good seasoning. annd, i have no confidence i can whip up something top-notch restaurants can't even get right sometimes.

voila! ahh! i'm sosovery sad i lost the link to the recipe - but this is a rib-eye steak with bourbon sauce (cheap bourbon-parsley-beef stock-heavy whipping cream and....?? darn!), garlic mashed potatoes (yukon gold potatoes-heavy whipping cream-garlic-salt-butter), and steamed veggies (salt-veggies-water).

rib-eye steak with bourbon sauce: i was shooting for medium rare but the steaks ended up medium. a teensy bit too dry for my taste, but the sauce did wonders juicing things up. the sauce made every bite savory. i could only eat half because it was too rich, but tim chowed down =).

garlic mashed potatoes: they were just alrite, nothing amazing. in my opinion, mashed potatoes taste best when they're creamy + soft. mine were chunky & a little too starchy. this is in part, i know, because i got lazy when i was smushing the potatoes. these were more like smushed potatoes. the flavor - good. texture - not so bueno.

steamed veggies: you can't really mess these up.

overall? a very educational meal. i learned a little bit about potatoes (let them boil until they're practically falling apart - they'll be moist & the mashing will be so much easier!) and a little bit about meat (searing it on one side adds a crunchy, tasty layer - on a stove, cast iron pots or high-temp skillets achieve the best steak!).

still, my unfailingly generous husband gave this meal a 4!

april showers bring may flowers.

2010-04-23T21:55:00.000-07:00

i'd never been a huge fan of flowers. delicate things, they always died too quickly under my care, and always left a polleny, petally mess. they were just pretty little things meant to be admired from the ground. that all changed after my wedding when my eyes were opened to just how beautiful they could be. i'd never seen flowers with colors so bright or deep in so much variety of shape.

...........we love our cozy backer road home, quirks and all. the previous owner & his wife were definitely DIY people. he is a carpenter, so we have some idiosyncratic touches here & there that don't make sense to us - random wooden panels, strange (but useful) storage space in the garage, a weird little office also in the garage, and on and on. but, not all their undertakings leave us scratching our heads =).

his wife is a gardener, and when we first got our place back in november, we couldn't see just how extensive her work was. now that spring's here, we're definitely reaping the fruits of her labor. we've got tiny apples growing on a tree, little strawberries clustering in their bushes...and roses! roses, roses, everywhere!

i've been having a blast making tiny bouquets & giving them to our good friends. we also regularly fill our home with them, and they add brightness and color to otherwise blah spaces. we have white roses with magenta tips, pink roses, peach roses, peach & pink roses, yellow roses, deep burgundy roses....and my favorite: lipstick red roses.

oo, la la! they remind me of spanish royalty! i'm beginning to understand why flowers make such sweet little gifts. they're not meant to last, just to bring a bit of cheer, love & beauty. these particular roses are super fragrant, so their sweet scent is constantly filling our yard. God is a most creative Maker, and i'm thoroughly enjoying His endless artistry.

an unexpected bonus: my hubbie never has to buy me flowers, he just has to walk into our yard & snip a few ;).

two nutcases.

2010-04-22T23:40:00.000-07:00

marriage = not just the coming together of two lives, but the combining of two people's belongings & making sense of the mish-mash of possessions under one roof. it wasn't that difficult to be honest. it helped that tim came in with next to nothing & i came in with just a few boxes of clothes & books & bedding.

consolidating our closets wasn't too hard. we just threw out a bunch of tim's no-no clothes: ripped shirts, faded-beyond-recognition-of-initial-color shirts, overly baggy jeans, wife-beaters (i don't like them, yuck), etc. and boxed up a bunch of mine to give away. i get the lion's share of our small walk-in closet with space to spare.

organizing our kitchen was a piece of cake. we had nothing coming in, so everything we have is a product of the wedding (thanks friends+family!). i had a lot of fun putting things away & admiring our shiny new kitchen products (i love my bright red martha stewart le creuset pots and bright red kitchenaid mixer! lots of yummy foods have resulted from those appliances, so they're not just sitting pretty).

probably the one i agonized over the longest is the bookcase. i actually spent quite a bit of time staring at our boxes pondering the best homes & neighbors to give our books on the bookcases. things i pondered:

organize topically? i quickly saw the drawbacks to this. tim has java, surfing, coding, "data structures & algorithms" (snort, snort) books. i have cook books, tons of fiction books, random anthologies, book series, biographies....we have bibles, commentaries, references, children books, blah blah blah, etc. our christian books are not as difficult to organize - but we have doubles of many (who wants? scroll down to the end of this post to see what's up for grabs). AND they're all a hullabaloo of paperback and hardback, and bunch of different sizes. i GUESS it wouldn't be so bad to arrange it topically, but it would look so ugly, and i couldn't bear that.
organize by size and color? hahaha, i came really close to copying some super cute interior design blogs that had their entire bookshelf set up this way. it was beyoootiful. but curiously, most of our books are black, brown, dark burgundy, orange and yellow and purple..? ............i need to buy more pink, green, blue and red books to create the wonderful rainbow array i'm imagining in my head. oh, and magenta. i love magenta (darn you blogspot color palette for not having magenta & forcing me to use periwinkle). to buy a book for its cover, is that very bad? heehee. i will resist.
organize by genre? hm. is this the same as arranging it topically? not really? well, we don't have enough genres to do this. it would be...two big groups of books (christian, fiction). maybe three (how-to's/manuals). maybe four (biographies?). maybe ten (references, tiny books, science fiction? fantasy? historical fiction? crime books? textbooks? beep beep beep bop bop boop). i'm too indecisive for this.
where? the most shocking thing for me was seeing how many books tim had. i think i kind of assumed the big bookcase we bought would give me freedom to arrange my books in any which way with a little scootch room in between. nay =(, we've run out of room. where to put our books? hmMmm..
hm.

anywho, =] i did finally get down to brass tacks & i ended up having a grand ol' time shelving this beast. one side is meticulously organized, but i kind of lost motivation halfway, so the second shelf is haphazardly thrown together. heeheehee.

heh. heh. heh. and there's our big fatty television smack dab in the middle. we don't have cable, but we love watching movies on that thing.

sigh....i suppose at the end of the day, most of these things will only seem to matter now. what we prize will change, and what we carefully arrange will be discarded or swapped out for something new. i am enjoying God's many blessings given to our little family and even delight in them, but we joyfully accede that the only lasting treasure is the gospel. it repairs our marriage, and keeps us continuing on the same course, and causes us to grow.

double, double toil and trouble:

instruments in the Redeemer's hands - paul tripp (cc)
holiness - j.c. ryle (sw)
recovering biblical manhood and womanhood - grudem & piper (at)
the cross centered life - mahaney (jw)
the grace and truth paradox - alcorn
nasb bible (with writing in it)
more to come - will update after we get the rest of our books.

melting pot.

2010-04-17T22:41:00.000-07:00

the fact that tim is taiwanese and i'm korean isn't your average cultural clash. being in a inter-ethnic marriage didn't require a huge adjustment on either of our parts. it helps that we both only have the loosest ties to our motherlands. my korean-ness ends at listening to kpop -2pm, 2ne1, big bang are the current faves, all thanks to a past roomie of mine.

it was God's great goodness to me in keeping me from marrying into a korean family - i was spared a lifetime of mortification for my atrocious konglish & lack of cultural know-how. growing up, i always got away with blundering around with kindergarten-level korean. tim's taiwanese/mandarin beats my korean, but only by a small margin. and thankfully, both our parents are ultra understanding of this, so we've managed to dodge some of the stickier in-law interactions. i have mixed feelings about our loss of heritage. i'm pretty sure tim and i will send our future kids to some kind of language learning program - but, that's another story, another day.

essentially, we have similar priorities, values, upbringings and interests, not to mention our unity in Christ, so it rarely crosses our minds that we're taiworean. but every once in a while, we'll both feel our roots tugging at us - the strongest when it comes to: 1.) family, 2.) food, 3) language (minimally).

after getting married, i wet my feet in korean cuisine by cooking up things that i have never cared to learn to make in the past - stews, meats, fried rices, etc. tim is a good eater and has (thankfully) enjoyed most everything. still, i couldn't help but notice the growing differences in our palates. i like things spicy/flavorful/marinated/robust- indicative of my korean taste buds (see? i've got it in me somewhere). tim likes things more mild/less sauce/less dressing/less salty. i've never really enjoyed pork and mushrooms, and...well...chinese food is rampant with the stuff.

anyways, i thought i'd experiment & surprise tim one night by cooking up something from the chinese cook books i got. (i got 4 korean and chinese cook books from bridal shower/wedding. i use them excessively). unfortunately, this isn't really the kind of stuff that tim grew up on. fortunately, he loved the meal and gave it a 4.5!

the kung ka-pao! chicken was my kind of stuff! tasty, yummy goodness wrapped up in a little crunchy surprise. and, the good thing about cooking it yourself is that you control how much garlic/salt/soy sauce/ginger/etc. goes into your sauce, so it doesn't have that pungent and overly salty gunkiness of some take out places.

egg flower soup - tim had been requesting it for a while, so i finally nerved myself up to make it. uhh, what the heck was i waiting for? it was so easy peezy! it's basically: chicken broth/soy sauce/green onion/and...EGG! the neutral flavors balanced out the kung ka-pao

green onion pancake - too doughy this time around. i made it again about a week later, and according to tim, it had the perfect consistency of an authentic green onion pancake made in china! my sneaking suspicion is that he is just being overly encouraging, knowing my insecurities over my rookie wife ways.

=) excited to explore more culinary delights. any recc's for recipes? oh! and if you want the recipes, i will give.

p.s.: hAPPY 24th BIRTHDAY diane Cho! thanking God for having such a sweet soul as my best friend. i love you!!

married life.

2010-03-26T11:58:00.000-07:00

"Remember, the growth of a believer is not like a mushroom—but like an oak, which increases slowly indeed—but surely. Many suns, showers, and frosts, pass upon it before it comes to perfection. And in winter, when it seems to be dead—it is gathering strength at the root. Be humble, watchful, and diligent in the means, and endeavor to look through all, and fix your eye upon Jesus—and all shall be well."
—John Newton, Letters of John Newton

(note: full screen the window so the layout of the photos isn't wacky).

it seems like the longer i don't blog, the harder it is to pick it up again - too many updates/pictures i want to post. the last time i blogged was the day before the wedding - it's been two months + a day since then! i wonder who are the dedicated few who still check for updates on this blog.

my fave of tim + me, and of our all-star bridal party

my fave detail shots from the wedding

it's very strange to try for an update now - i feel like my whole world has changed, yet a lot has stayed the same. to the chagrin of many of my friends who ask, "how's married life?", my reply is often just, "it's normal! i love it."

how can i explain that? this is my day-to-day now, as a wife, as a Mrs. tim and i are experiencing some things together for the first time and some things that are new to the both of us - marriage is still a novel thing and we are still very much newlyweds in the honeymoon stage. but i posted the quote (above) because it rings so true. though the starkest change was, of course, that tim and i are a family now living in the same house, the greatest changes, our growth as husband + wife + and as believers, are going to be slow + recognizable only over time. everything else is falling into place and beginning to feel normal. our backer road house finally feels like home, and we've even established some routines. and it's been just two months, praise the Lord =).

my temptation as a writer is to write down the entire chronicles of our marriage from every exciting occasion, every learned thing to all the little quirks of the Yu's (and there are plenty!). i began to, but the post got super long. so, like with any big project, i just started & hopefully i'll get somewhere!

tim suggested that i post up my cooking diary in this blog. i've started to track the dinners i've been making for tim in a word document. i started it to motivate myself to try new things and to remember which meals my hubbie's enjoyed more. it's quite involved, and i've really enjoyed updating it - included are his rating (out of 5 stars, 5 being unbelievably-amazingly-best-thing-he's-eaten-since-marriage) and a photo. i might make it a regular thing to post that up here, but i thought it'd be a shame to ignore the past two months of our lives together.

i've already written a novel, BUT i'm going to stop + just post up some of my favorite pictures from the past couple months =) & give a little plane ride through our marriage thus far!

honeymoon in belize..."i never wanna leave, ambergris caye!"

mccormick & schmick's date night courtesy of a generous gift card from one of the weddings i did makeup for. our date nights generally include some type of fun or good food.

bowling night with the hasegawas...there's our men re-living their boyhood days @ the arcade. i played house of the dead and had so much fun, though i jumped + screamed with every zombie.

first time @ hodad's. Mmmm. humongerous burger. it was delish, not my favorite though.

i think i'll stop now and slowly upload the rest later, my compooper is going too slow & it's time to make dinner =). but as you can see, the start of our marriage has been mostly having fun as a family + giving thanks to the Lord for this grace of life. it's good to be back!

labor of love.

2010-02-05T08:51:00.000-08:00

as february's been creeping closer, i think it hit both tim and me how much a wedding is a labor of love - not of just our own, but the people who love and care for us. there's so much involved in this wedding celebration, it's near impossible to do it all on your own. it's hard not to feel thankful when you're sitting around the coffee table with friends + family + future family folding programs, gluing thank you cards, tying ribbons while talking and watching movies and relaxing. RELAXING - the week of the wedding...what a novel idea that is! =)

day before the wedding. T-1 day! the fact that marriage is just around the corner struck me yesterday morning when i woke up in the room i've grown up in for 23 years.

how do i feel now? i have crazy butterflies in my stomach but i'm strangely calm. i'm still excited, but now i'm looking forward in determination and eagerness for what we've been in the process of planning for 10 months for - our new lives together as Mr. and Mrs. Timothy Yu.

i always wanted to write in the blog the day before my wedding so i can recount later what was going through my mind, what things we had left to do but i'm finding that i don't have too much to write. i almost feel like i'm on autopilot right now. i'm overwhelmed with gratitude to the Lord for His absolute goodness.

things left to prepare:

finish tying up last of programs
get manicures/pedicures
table seating

on a side note: it's supposed to rain all day tomorrow, so please everyone, come dressed prepared!

fifteen days.

2010-01-22T12:14:00.000-08:00

“Is your heart right? Then be humble and watchful. You are not yet in heaven, but in the world. You are in the body. The devil is near you, and never sleeps. Oh, keep your heart with all diligence! Watch and pray lest you fall into temptation. Ask Christ Himself to keep your heart for you. Ask Him to dwell in it, and reign in it, and garrison it, and to put down every enemy under His feet.” ~ by: J.C. Ryle, Old Path

lately, the questions i've been asked the most have been, "how do you feel?," "are you excited?," "what else do you have left to plan?" i thought i'd take the easy way out and blog it. mahaha. (i'll kill two birds with one stone and randomly insert photos from the bridal shower here too. randomonstrosity).

"how do you feel?"

(commence the random insertion of beautiful photography. courtesy of: ms. hannahmichelle and a more recent addition, dianecho).

well, is anyone tired of hearing of how i'm doing yet? haha i'm sure tired of trying to trying to explain it. the difficulty is in finding a way to communicate this with brevity. there's a lot of junk-a-lunk in the trunk-a-dunk. i'm, of course, over-JOYED that i will become tim's wife in just 1/2 a month. it's amazing to see how the Lord can transform this heart that was so desirous of anything but the call to become a biblical woman to trusting in the life He now has given me in the Spirit to become a wife. i am thankful for His provision of tim in my life. we're both young and have much to learn, but i am daily humbled by tim's patient leadership over me.
but, that decision and this walk of life is not without its struggles. i am naturally inclined to change and excitement, to academia and enterprise, to travel and cultural humanism. it would be a great lie if you heard from me that getting married has erased all of my former desires and passions and that i've achieved my life's ambition by taking this step towards marriage. granted, i see those things waning with time and growth, i'm still eager to believe that none of those things (listed above) are bad things for women. on the contrary, they can equip us to serve and submit to men, and God will use the skills we learn in the way He chooses. but of course, He will use us regardless of how skilled or unskilled we are. He uses the lowest of low to bring Himself the greatest amount of glory. and that's the one thing i've been learning with greater humility. with where i'm at in life, as a woman of God, i am being taught to live for different things, to desire Christ in me and the life i have in righteousness.
"For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit set their minds on the things of the Spirit" - Romans 8:5
i'm a little loopy right now, to be honest. there's a never-ending stream of things to do and i'm happy to do them, but if you try talking to me and i seem a little cuckoo for coco puffs, you know why.
i'm happy, happy, happy, happy, happy.

"are you excited?"

uh...YEAH! equal parts nervous, but definitely really excited.
what am i happy for? i get to spend my life with my best friend. we will be done with wedding planning. we can begin our new lives together. the list goes on and on and on. there is MUCH to be thankful for.

"what else do you have left to plan?"

twiddle my thumbs and love my fiance and beep beep boo doo wop bop dop doop.
picking up our wedding bands
creating playlists on ipods
cutting/folding place cards and programs
breaking in my killer shoes
buying last minute doo-dads
paying a bajillion dollars to our vendors
final dress fitting
sending out time lines
dum dee dum doo durrum parrum pum pum pum.

oh yeah! we had our e-shoot session with nate and jaclyn (theimageisfound.com) who were recently named best of the best in wedding photography on junebug! we actually did that ages ago, but what with the holidays and all...i'll post up pictures later.

(on a side note. i was perusing through a Book on Blogging at barnes & noble. they have a katrillion tips on how to get higher traffic on your blog. i found that i did most of the things they recommended anyway, but i was a little turned off. one of the ones i donut do that they recommend is to ask a question to my readers. how weird is that? let me get down on my soapbox and hand my ersatz microphone to you. there's nothing wrong with that, if you were a blog designed for stimulating convos. if it's a brain dump/writing blog like mine, it would come across a bit phony if you ask me...).

random question: so how are YOU feeling?

Gomer.

2010-01-08T03:27:00.000-08:00

The corners of all her heart she was a wandering Gomer
who strove fiercely like the wilderness after Baal and all her lovers.
You purchased her with 15 shekels, a lethech of barley, a homer
through blood she returned to seek and fear Your goodness that lovingly reigns above her. - march 29, 2008

that was written almost 2 years ago - that's hard to believe. it's fresh in my heart the things that were being pruned away and the idols of man-fearing that were being revealed to me. we are faithless, thankless, hopeless creatures covered by the mercies of God. we certainly don't deserve the lives we live. i'd rather not dwell on the the events of my life in 2009 and the things i've been taught, which so easily sway from emotion to emotion and find difficulty settling on lovely and truthful things. the Lord provides marvelous grace - grace that reminds me of what good things He has done and of His promises that endure our fickle hearts. there is great hope in holiness and in the narrow path. as we become sanctified through the work of the Holy Spirit, we are granted perseverance, we become firmed in our convictions, we are given proven character and a lasting hope that does not disappoint.

2010 is looking to be quite a year. =)

winter wonderland.

2009-12-20T21:48:00.000-08:00

i've been in boston, massachusetts the past few days with one of my girlfriends. we flew in on the 16th (praise the Lord - after missing our flight, we were able to catch the very next one out) and we're headed back home on the 22nd. we've been staying with my sister & her hub at their place in brookline.

this trip was spurred on by a series of not-so random events. i think it was a combo of

missing hang-out time with my best girls
the wedding bamboozle paloozle madness
feeling the travel bug
the sib living in a place that actually gets wintery (that's right. coats & boots required!)
a 5-minute brain fart and a spur-of-the-moment email to diane

this trip was a "one-last hurrah" type of deal, definitely a great attempt to get my mind off of wedding planning & just have fun. the only down-side was having to leave my hubby-to-be behind in sunny san diego (i miss me my tim!)

so far, the trip's been a blast =) i've even been enjoying the frigid weather & the snow storm that hit today! (supposedly the biggest snow storm since '03! oh me oh my....pray that diane and i will be able to fly back home per schedule!....btw, something new i learned on this trip: it actually gets WARMER when it snows. the part that people dread is the slush and ice that form afterwards).

a few things we've done & plan to do:

experience snow in boston (check)
go ice skating (check)
tour some universities (check)
hang out with terence and stephan (check)
museum of science (for the harry potter exhibit!! - pending)
go to little italy and eat a cannoli (pending)
go to newbury (check)
go christmas shopping at prudential (check)
quality time with the fam (check)
watch avatar....?? (check)
dance party like good ol' times with the roomie (check)
walk through boston common (check)

i appreciate that getting out of san diego helps me clear my heart of all the white noise. being in an unfamiliar place makes it easier to look at life back at home through a quasi-objective lens.

and so, the amazing revelation i've had here in brookline, mass. is this: scootch aside all the wedding planning for now, to the back of the closet in my mind. i will be wed to timothy yu in 48 days and counting. does every bride-to-be experience this? i've done makeup for around 10-12 weddings now. every bride says something different: "it hasn't hit me yet. it'll hit when i walk down the aisle." other brides have ants in their pants one month out. some brides cry once they slip on their dress. others have radiantly large smiles on their faces. some are delirious. some are chilled out, rain or shine. others are anxious + are checking after details until the last moment. unfortunately, its looking like i'm a one-month-outer.

am i ready for this? what will day-to-day life feel like? how long will God keep us in San Diego? will our friendships change once we get married? when does this all start feeling real?

well anywho, at the end of it all, i am wonderfully, superly looking forward to it all. am i being a broken record? oopsies..well, i hope you at least enjoyed the pictures!

WWWW.

2009-12-15T23:58:00.000-08:00

"World Wide Wedding Website"....mahaha.

i haven't given too many teasers for the wedding planning palooza. truth be told, i'm just excited for it all to be over, for the "limbo" stage to be done and over with so that i can start my life with timothy as a family. but don't get me wrong. who wouldn't want a good reason to look at beautiful things?

that's the only picture i can post up right now of the planning process. multiply those by about 3 and you'll get an idea of what the reception ambiance will be =). i love it - the hodge podge of lanterns collected together with no rhyme or reason. i've been terrible about snapping photos and documenting this process, which i really wanted to do in the beginning. all's i can say is: juicy colors, delicious flowers, whimsical flower girl outfits, hawt bridesmaids' shoes.

we've finally also started premarital with pastor patrick cho + his wife christine. i'm taking it as a good thing that there's only been one meet up and i've already had a cry fest. at least with me, that's a good thing. so thankful for the older men + women + friends who've gone before us. especially with patrick + christine. i know tim and i can trust them with our fears, struggles, anxieties and questions without fear of humiliation or judgment. we rest assured they will show us love by leading us to the truth and not using worldly wisdom to shepherd us into marriage.

well. umMmm. maybe i have one more photo to share:

hurray! we are home owners!

haha. how surreal, still. somehow it is in His will that we use our Backer Road home to extend His kingdom. may we be above-excellent stewards of our cozy abode! =) praise the Lord for His provision (read the post previous to this one). surprise, surprise, i did not have my camera for this momentous occasion...but our wonderful real estate agent Katie Holmes (lol - 100% unrelated to Tom Cruise or Suri Cruise) snapped a quick one for us. note: the teeny SOLD marker on top of the For Sale sign - because i didn't notice it until they pointed it out! haha sigh. clueless me.

the title to this blog wasn't completely random (and it wasn't implying that my blog has become a wedding website..although....it does seem that way from the past few posts). =D we finally sent out our invitations and are now waiting on the RSVP's (please do by January 16th!) to start the placecards/table seating/whatever else. for all our friends who may join us on the day, as well as the ones that can't, you can see more photos/read our relationship story/read our bridal party shoutouts/RSVP via:

www.timlovessteph.com

hurray!

p.s.: my talented husband-to-be designed the entire website! praise the Lord for his engineering brain =) i must humbly use my blogspot template until i can convince him to use his html skills to one day spruce this up (that day may never come. i like the homey feel of this one).

p.p.s.: some special features to look for: a) the photo mosaic in the front are links to different pages on the site, b) a personal message for you upon RSVP'ing using your super-secret code! BTW, if you lost your RSVP code, just shoot me an email and i'll send it to you again. it's so sneezy easy peasy.

thanksgiving.

2009-11-27T01:37:00.000-08:00

one of those random posts, like the ones i used to write when i had a xanga. :) those rambling, train of thought, nonsensical posts. i may delete this when i come to my senses.

this season of life is definitely busy - in large part, that's why i haven't updated this blog in forever long. as lame as it might sound, i actually tuck away thoughts and ideas i have throughout the days to write in here. will i ever get to them? dun, dun Dun...maybe, maybe not. i'm sitting on the edge of my seat to figure it out. well no, i lie. i'm in bed. hahaha.

tucked in bed in fullerton while the fiance is camped outside sears in santa monica to attempt at a washer&dryer for our backer rd home.

(p.s.: we have a home!! we kept it under wraps for a while until escrow closed, but now i can shout it loud and proud: thank you God for Your provision! thank You for giving this young, soon-to-be married couple a place to start our lives together. we have a home! i have a key!! the fact that i'm getting married in two months is sinking in - every time i walk in my future home. it's strange and almost as if this isn't really my life that i'm going to live. it's just a life that i'm pretending i'll live one day. don't know if that makes sense to anybody else. : "this is where i'll cook dinner. this is where we'll watch tv at night. this is where our room is. this is the closet. i'll put the toilet paper in this cabinet."

it's absolutely empty and echo-y right now, minus two beach chairs and a papasan that's already experiencing some wear-and-tear. but i love it to pieces.)

that was a really long parenthe-seesed chunk of text. will keep it in because it fits.

last thanksgiving as a single woman - so thankful for God and His good and perfect will, for all that He's orchestrated so far in 2009. everything unfolded in such a way that has made the knowledge of the gospel more beautiful to me. what am i thankful for? always for the grace of God and His patience in dealing with this forgetful sinner.

the wedding day is coming close - so close, so close, so close.

photogeniosity.

2009-10-06T13:23:00.000-07:00

i'm not feeling the creative juices today, but i wanted to blog some photos my friends took for tim and me.

hannah + janice both have a knack for composition + beauty behind the lens. honestly speaking? tim + i were both uber nervous because we're not used to posing our love for each other in front of a camera. it's just unnatural. neither of us are fans of having our picture taken either. but! the girls used their photogeniosity (photographic genius) to make the day a truly sweet one!

anywho wave of blue, we began the day during a beautiful late afternoon in Fullerton, CA. while tim and i were dating, we spent most of our time in fullerton - it's a testament to his sacrificial love + patience that he willingly drove up every week, sometimes multiple times so we could hang out. thankful for this man =). SO, it was a no-brainer when trying to decide where to do this photo session.

natural smiles = best smiles, no question! i had so much fun this day with tim + near and dear girl friends.

here's a sneak peek at a few - hannah michelle in particular has been swamped with editing photos from a recent wedding she shot, but both hannah and janice delivered a few very sweet images from the day. these were my faves:

holy guacamole =) this wasn't even our professional pictures. dreamy, soft, woodsy. i'm gonna stand on my soapbox here + applaud my uber talented friends! these girls truly captured some special moments on film (or...SD card). God's love has sustained us thus far. that my girlfrotographers were able to snap some photos of His sustaining grace in our care for each other is a testament of their photogeniosity...NOT of our ability to take photos well, believe you me.

Check their blogs out!:

Hannah Michelle: http://coffeeandparchment.blogspot.com
Janice Cho (photography): http://sweetbwconfessions.blogspot.com
Janice Cho (wedding hair): http://charmyourcurls.blogspot.com

mMMhM! OH YAH - congrats mike hase + jen shin! praise God for your recent engagement!

family.

2009-09-25T12:50:00.000-07:00

Families are like fudge - mostly sweet with a few nuts. ~Author Unknown
(the women in this family are definitely the nuts)

muses.

2009-09-16T16:10:00.000-07:00

hello recent brides to be! my heartfelt congratulations go out to all of you =].

something i learned about Stephanie Yu-to-be, wedding planner extraordinare, is that i am NOT a magazine flipper. i was handed a case full of wedding magazines [the legacy of many brides past] and was immediately overwhelmed. i attempted to read through a few. some were awesome - full of creative ideas, inspirations, ceremony+reception sites, dresses. others were so full of advertisements + "Must-Do's" that it turned me off.

i found great inspiration through a few wedding websites + found these to be sympathetic, artistic, personal, and definitely more beautiful =). hope this helps (colored words are linked):

the bride's cafe: she features many wedding vendors and artists who "drop by" her cafe.
stylemepretty: one of my bridesmaids told me about this site - the first time i went on it, i stayed there for hours looking at all their inspiration boards! i'm no artist, but i love love love pretty color combos.
tenthousandonly: for the bride on a budget. the lady began this blog before she even got engaged! now she's married + you can reap from her wisdom. =)
theritzybee: creative wedding planner - i love her ideas and how she creates events from a single vision. she plans like i write!
etsy wedding: just cuz.
martha stewart wedding: all the best from her magazines on a website =)
weddingbee: updated by 20 or so real brides across the world

i heard of most of these from other brides and the occasional friend who simply enjoys looking at pretty things....but also from this awesome article on bridetide.blogspot.com: Top 100 Wedding Blogs!

Encouragement from Colossians 3 and 4:

Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other, as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.

And above all these things put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony....

Wives submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands love your wives and do not be harsh with them...

Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ....

Continue steadfastly in prayer, being watchful in it with thanksgiving. At the same time, pray also for us, that God may open to us a door for the word, to declare the mystery of Christ..."

the truth is - wedding planning & engagement often become about the bride and not the husband and wife before the Lord. it's easy to see why - the bride's dress, her hair, her grand entrance on the special day become the focus of the day. those things are important + should be beautiful, but it shouldn't overshadow the proclamation of the gospel and the love between the husband + wife.

the struggle in my heart as a woman is to believe the world's lies - in my bridezillamon moments, i don't exhibit the qualities of God's holy ones. no way i'm ready to be a wife that behaves in a way that is fitting to the Lord. but by God's grace, i still strive!

people have said that engagement is a sanctifying process - they weren't joking, it truly is! from the bottom of my heart i am thankful for it. much of my sinfulness has been revealed through this time. my hope is that the day tim and i get married, it will be a formal declaration of what we've already been practicing - putting on Christ's love which binds everything together in perfect harmony, declaring Christ as preeminent.

the life look

2009-08-14T16:56:00.000-07:00

O God,

I bless thee for the happy moment
when I first saw Thy law fulfilled in Christ,
wrath appeased, death destroyed, sin forgiven,
my soul was saved.

Ever since, Thou hast been faithful to me:
daily have I proved the power of Jesus' blood,
daily have I known the strength of the Spirit,
my teacher, director, sanctifier.

I want no other rock to build upon that that I have,
desire no other hope than that of gospel truth,
need no other look than that which gazes
on the cross.

Forgive me if I have tried to add anything to the one foundation,
if I have unconsciously relied upon my knowledge,
experience, deeds, and not seen them as filthy rags,
if I have attempted to complete what is perfect in Christ;

May my cry be always, Only Jesus! only Jesus!

In Him is freedom from condemnation,
fullness in His righteousness,
eternal vitality in His given life,
indissoluble union in fellowship with Him;

In Him I have all that I can hold;
enlarge me to take in more.

If I backslide,
let me like Peter weep bitterly and return to Him;

If I am tempted, and have no wit,
give me strength enough to trust in Him;

If I am weak,
may I faint upon His bosom of eternal love;

If in extremity,
let me feel that He can deliver me;

If driven to the verge of hope and to the pit
of despair,
grant me grace to fall into His arms.

O God, hear me, do for me more
than I ask, think or dream.

Taken from: The Valley of Vision

hint of glory

2009-08-05T13:50:00.000-07:00

The sun and all its colors paint the sky
A hint of His majesty exemplified

The same Painter’s hand
Fashioned me, uncovered my eyes
saved me so I could shine His light
He colored me with unfathomable care
My texture, my heartbeat, my every prayer

Each stroke a message of His grace
As He shaped my bearings to see His face.
He shaded in depth and considered each detail
His splendor breathed in every inhale, this exhale.

The beauty made from this creation story
Learns to fear its Creator
Painting that yearns to display His glory
So we can be less, and Him greater

- september 10, 2007

and to throw in some randominity...i love this quote about the love of Christ and His work of salvation:

“There existed no love but the love of Jesus equal to the work of salvation.

Love less divine, less strong, less gentle, could never have won your heart, uprooted your enmity, tore you from your idols; enthroning Christ, all of Christ, Christ only, Christ supremely, Christ forever!

Beloved, nothing shall take the love of Christ from you, or separate you from it. It does not ebb with the ebbing of your feelings; it does not chill with the chill of your affections; it does not change with the changing scenes and circumstances of your life.”

— Octavius Winslow, The Sympathy of Christ

baubles + things.

2009-07-15T12:26:00.000-07:00

(not relevant to the post. just thought it was hilarious + true. well. maybe it is relevant....)

wedding planning has been one gigantaur learning process. i think this period is an especially trying time for brides - women are built to love pretty things and we deeply care about the details even though we will probably not care too much about them on the big day.

I've already gone through two phases of the wedding planning process. These probably differ from bride to bride, but here are mine:

Phase I - Bridezillamon: This was probably the weirdest time for me because I honestly never knew that I would care much about the little things. And there are SO MANY little things!: invitations, favors, accessories, accents, colors, desserts, makeup, hair (that's the short list). And budget-wise, the BIG things - venue, food, photography, flowers, bridal party outfits, oo la la, oh boy...
After coming out of the "We're engaged" glow, I busied myself in attempts to plan the perfect wedding for Tim and me. A couple months of scouring the web for the most picturesque wedding sites, the artsy yet au natural photographer and a feminine/vintage-style wedding dress, we still had nothing planned. We had booked a venue, but after some consideration, decided against holding our wedding there. I have NEVER cried so much in so many consecutive days - the wedding day felt very far away and yet seemed to be approaching too quickly at the same time. praise the Lord, no big decisions were made during this time and we came out of it still engaged and ready to enter...

Phase II - Not Care-mon: After a couple months of being a wedding micromanaging warrior queen, Tim suggested we take a break from the planning - to regain some perspective, to detach ourselves (by that, I'm guessing we were talking about just me) from the little things, take a breather. As much as I hated doing it, I stopped bookmarking links, flipping through wedding mags, making plans for DIY projects. Fast forward one month later: I did gain some... type..of perspective and decided that I didn't care about the trinkets + little baubles + things anymore. Tim grew concerned because I had grown ultra content in not searching for anything. No preferences were declared. Annnnd....we were at a standstill.

I'm happy to say that Tim and I are slowly entering Phase III together, that is the - Getting Married is Not about the Wedding but what comes After-mon stage. It shouldn't come as a surprise that this is the phase that I am enjoying the most BY FAR. Tim and I have a renewed sense of being in this together - that might sound ridiculo since we are engaged, but there's this feeling of shared purpose and excitement. We went venue searching last Saturday - and it was so much fun. I forgot to bring CD's, so we sang disney songs at the top of our lungs and munched on snacks + observed venues with a healthy level of interest...yet the day wasn't about the wedding venue - it wasn't really about us either.

After some good old fashioned soul-searching, the Lord was faithful in humbling my heart and reminding me of beautiful truths like this one from 2 Peter 1:

"His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of Him who called us to His own glory and excellence...For this reason, make every effort to supplement your faith with virtue, and virtue with konwledge, and knoweldge with self-control, and self-controlw ith steadfastness, and steadfastness with godliness, and godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with love...For in this there will be richly provided for you an entrance into the eternal kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ."

It is becoming clearer - the loving Father has richly provided us all things in Christ to satisfy. It is a humbling thing to be bowed down by our own sinfulness and to realize that we are genuinely by nature no different from the unsaved sinner. We are greedy for the same things, hurt by the same things, angered by the same things, forgetful of the same things. The difference is that believers are made holy because God has shown us great compassion and granted us the Holy Spirit to fill us and enable us to do all things for His glory. Wowza. Oh yeah, this does include wedding planning.

Needless to say, Phase III has been refreshing. I'm not going to assume that Bridezillamon won't creep up again sometime or that all the difficult things have passed. However I am assured that His divine power grants all things that pertain to life and godliness - down to the smallest + biggest details of my heart.

Keep an eye out - I'm planning on creating a laundry list of ideas + websites that I often refer to for inspiration. I'll post it up one of these days. =)

the engagement story!

2009-04-28T22:18:00.000-07:00

hello this is tim, making my first post on stephanie's blog ever. this is stephanie - my commentary will be in lavender - wahahoho.

it started for me at the crack of dawn monday morning, 6am - april 13th 2009. steph and i were planning to have breakfast together at this restaurant recommended by pat and christine called schooner or later at the marina in long beach. steph thought it was just another one of my crazy early morning hangout ideas, so she didn't suspect anything. - our first hang out ever at the champagne bakery in del mar started at 5am. i didn't know much about tim then except that he was willing to do crazy things to make things happen - ....he hasn't changed much.

i wrote a song to propose to steph with, but i couldn't just carry around a guitar or plant it somewhere. so i asked pastor patrick to dress up as a random beach bum with a guitar near the spot where i wanted to propose. he disguised himself pretty well, with a dirty green jacket, tore up jeans, sunglasses, and a beanie. i think he also let his beard grow for a couple days.

he sat on an elevated porch behind a tree and waited for us to come around to the bench that overlooked the whole long beach marina. the rest of the team, naomi, jr, kathy, and ji hid close by to take pictures. christine and eden reserved a spot at the restaurant for us - tim and i have amazing, awesome, wonderful friends. they all woke up at around 4am and drove up from san diego to be a part of our engagement!.

thirty minutes later at 6:30am, steph arrived at the restaurant. she was ready to go eat, so i had to convince her that we needed to stretch our legs and go for a walk before eating and she obliged. i suggested that we revisit our old spot that "just so happened" to be nearby - tim texted me saying that schooner or later was right next to the crab pot, the restaurant we had dinner at a month ago when we discovered our bench with the view of the marina..he made it seem like he had no clue that it was at the same place. if you know steph, you know she's a very curious person. so as we were walking, i used that against her to make her curious about a secret "project" that i had been working on. she was so distracted trying to pry a clue from me, that she didn't even recognize patrick when we walked past the guitar strumming beach bum.

we sat down at our bench and after talking for a couple of minutes, i mustered up enough courage to get past my nervousness. i pulled out a set of notecards that i had written up the night before with the lyrics to my song to steph. i wrote them on notecards so that she could flip through each verse and chorus as i sang without looking ahead (she's a fast reader) - i am. speedy gonzalez fast! i don't remember anything i read though.

i told her to wait a second and i ran over to the "beach bum" and borrowed his guitar. patrick made me give him $20 to make it seem like it was a transaction with a stranger - i was too far away to hear anything they were saying...i found out after that patrick was telling tim to position me differently on the bench so he could be free to take pictures without me seeing him. i thought she would suspect something was going on -nope. i came back to the bench and sat on the ground in front of her and started to sing my song. she followed along as the song traced through our whole relationship, from when we first knew each other to the point of me wanting to marry her. - tim opted for a jack johnson-ey type song rather than a ballad or weepy love song....he knows me well! i won't post up the lyrics here but i'll try and make him sing it again at our wedding ;).

on the last notecard, i taped steph's old plain silver ring that i had been holding onto for half a year. after the song, i returned the guitar to the beach bum and went back to steph. i got down on one knee and asked her to marry me. that was a pretty nerve-wracking moment, i think i was shaking as i popped the question - he was shaking..so crazy, i don't think i've ever seen him that nervous. she was gracious and gave me a hug and nodded her head. i think that meant yes. come to think of it, she never said yes. all i got was a head nod. it meant YES!!

once the proposal was over, we walked back to the restaurant and the whole crew - minus patrick - was waiting there to surprise steph. a few minutes later, patrick made his entrance into the restaurant as the beach bum and revealed himself to steph's surprise. i think she was in shock for a the rest of the morning - i used to think i was somewhat perceptive, but this morning taught me how unobservant i am. i never felt so happy to be tricked :) we have to go back to schooner or later. it's supposed to be a GREAT restaurant, but we have no memory of anything we ate that day...except the chicken feet i got to experience for the first time later at lunch.

we spent the rest of the day eating with our families and shopping for a better replacement for her plain silver ring (i keep both on always).

thank you friends for all your congratulations + love.

we are truly thankful for all of you! we're sorry if some of you had to find out through lame-o facebook, but we're glad we can finally share the details + pictures with you from the day.

john 11:25-26.

2009-04-05T19:05:00.000-07:00

grandpa shin passed away on april 1st, 2009 9:45am. i started this post because i feel like i have things to say, but it's hard to write in words things i don't completely understand. what's most important in a time like this?

i've seen the grace of God abound in the past month of march and first week of april. seeing someone decline rapidly in health + fade away is probably one of the hardest things a person will have to do - there is a sense of waiting and helplessness after you've tried everything and nothing's worked. my grandpa was old - he was 88 years old, but there was an incredible desire to prolong his life even in the midst of his suffering. why? for our own peace of mind, i'm guessing, to have that reassurance that we did everything in our power to try and give him life, to give him peace and happiness.

God is so great and infinitely kind - i've grown to trust in His sovereign, perfect plans so much more than mine. in the past two years, He deemed it the right time to end both of my grandfathers' times here on earth. where they stand before the Lord is hidden knowledge - i won't know until my own soul is home. when grandpa cho passed away, this caused a great deal of pain. this time around, God has taught my heart to be still and listen quietly. i've found amazing joy in His grace.

it was hard to see my grandpa struggle; his dementia caused his brain to be unable to differentiate between the two tubes that would either deliver food down to the stomach or air to the lungs. this would send his saliva & mucus to the wrong tube, blocking his air passages and making it difficult for him to breathe. it was labor to remember the goodness of God.

Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple. - Dr. Seuss

in lamentations 3, the speaker remembers his affliction and darkness. he accounts the heaviness of God's hand upon him, the bereftness of peace, the dark of hopelessness crushing him from all sides. the speaker's response was lamentations 3:20-26:

My soul continually remembers it and is bowed down within me. But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope: The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; His mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness. 'The Lord is my portion,' says my soul, 'therefore I will hope in Him.' The Lord is good to those who wait for Him, to the soul who seeks Him. It is good that one should wait quietly for the salvation for the Lord."

this is a difficult time for my family, but it's comforting to know that our days have been numbered, like the hairs on our head, our hearts and the lessons they must learn have been predetermined lovingly by God. it's tempting to rage against the inevitable, but the peace that faith can bring is a mercy the Creator also saw fit to give to His creation.

pastor james continued onto the second part of his "sanctification: by works or faith?" series this sunday. i've been loving it and crying the "happy tears." what is most important in a time like this? it's remembering the lovingkindess of our God, the hands that shaped us with all the love of a perfect Father, the will that sent His Son to the cross and born in us a fierce hope.

"Our identity must be transformed. We are not our current righteousness or sinfulness. We are to live by faith. What has God done for me on the cross!" - Pastor James Shin.

how do we overcome grief, loss, regret? my family - and the blessedly compassionate + discerning doctors and nurses at the k.p. in irvine - gave my grandfather a couple more weeks of life and did their best to make him comfortable despite his situation. but what was expected to happen for weeks now happened - he passed away and is now hopefully rejoicing in the kingdom with his Lord. only the Lord gives eternal life, only He gives faith, only He provides permanency to relief and an end to suffering. only God can say in death He gives life, that Christ is the resurrection. people can only provide a meager shadow of the same, temporary at best.

there's so much i don't understand about death and the brevity of life, but what i have learned is that there is rest in trusting in God. there is strength in Him and nothing in us. i'm looking forward to Resurrection Sunday - He is the Giver of life, the great Defeater of death.

tolle lege.

2009-03-10T14:20:00.000-07:00

faith as fashion by almohler

"The American population still self-identifies as predominantly Christian but Americans are slowly becoming less Christian."
"When it comes to religion, the USA is now land of the freelancers."
"The fact that millions of Americans no longer identify themselves as Christians of any description means that these millions know that they are not Christians -- as distinct from millions of other Americans who think they are Christians simply by family identification or other superficial consideration.
"Evangelism takes on a new urgency in an age marked by people who see faith as little more than a 'fashion statement.'
In any event, the ARIS report draws our attention to one great and undeniable fact -- we are living in the midst of a vast mission field for the Gospel. Of course, we should have known that all along."

avoiders anonymous by route 5:9

"Conflict is neither bad nor good, but how we choose to respond to it can either produce closeness or distance between us and the ones we love, as well as our Papa God."
"As iron sharpens iron, a friend sharpens a friend" --Proverbs 27:17
"The next time you are confronted by a friend, be thankful that you have a friend that loves you enough to confront you on the journey."

WATCHMEN - i donut recommend

( i went to the theaters to watch this movie. i covered my eyes for 90% of the time that i was watching it and finally walked out. i was with tim + my parents and it was unanimous - we will heartily recommend all our friends NOT to watch this movie. )
disclaimer: the review, while honest + telling, is graphic. i say it's an indicator of just how bad this movie was for the soul that the review was just as difficult to read as actually watching it. i'd read just the "conclusion" part of the article, and you'll get the gist.
"As a book, Watchmen is messy. As a movie, Watchmen is a mess. In fact, I'll go so far as to call it dispirited, depressing schlock—both as a work of art and as a mode of message. Fanboys may be enthralled, but I'd imagine the uninitiated will walk away appalled, confused and even strangely bored. At the advance screening I attended, where folks generally stay glued to their seats, I saw a number of people leave the theater. Some never came back. This isn't a movie as much as an assault."
the boundless article that linked to pluggedin.

AB-12 california bill

was forwarded this article by a friend. i'm praying for this bill to pass! i've been encouraged by the olive crest thp+ ministry at cornerstone and this bill would not only practically help older foster children but open up opportunities to share Christ + the hope of the gospel with them.

God is life.

2009-02-24T16:52:00.000-08:00

darker days come blowing by and by,
the heart wanders from its Lord on high,
each sin a scarlet letter branded on her chest,
each trial keeping her away from rest.

and while bones shiver with frailty and meekness,
through grace, they finds solace in God, a strength through weakness.
He gives hope to the righteous that brings joy,
and a fierce truth that shadows cannot destroy.

where blood ran cold and embers quivered,
my Lord and His Word revived and delivered.
where once i was dead and could not live,
i was pierced by that which was living and active.

-2.24.09

it's always difficult when you are revealed to how you fall short, but by God's sweet mercies, He makes Himself greater. what a good God i worship!

warm welcomes.

2009-02-18T15:03:00.000-08:00

returning from my hiatus with a tidbit that i wrote a while back. enjoy =)

trying my hand at short fiction…got as far as a few paragraphs and gave up. it’s harder than it looks!

Fide’s feet were covered in brown dirt. He stopped and looked around him in wonder at the stark picture before him that had moments before only been a spot on the horizon. It was the thundering presence of mountains and the fascinating patterns of green sprinkled on them that had held Fide’s notice. He had been looking at the periphery and blearing what was in front of him. Now he approached the stretch of a wide open gate, uncertain what to think. His pace slowed to an amble, his eyes told the wrens who were watching him what he couldn’t say. Where is everyone going?

Something jostled Fide to the side of the road making him drop his bag. An Andalusian snorted as it tottered past. Its long neck and glistening hide whispered of a proud lineage, its tight belly agreeing with the sumptuousness of the fat man sitting on its leather saddle. Move boy.

Fide slung his burlap tote more tightly over his shoulder. There was a manner of souls walking past him through the gate. A priest dressed in simple black caught his eye. From underneath his cap, his wrinkles spoke of a kindly face. Fide halted just before he approached the priest. A soft breeze swept through his ears and carried in its fingertips a skeletal droning: Labor omnia vincit. He let the priest pass him by and walk through the gate. Once the priest passed the gate, he turned and lifted his head to gaze at the young boy. Fide wept as he saw that the priest looked but could not see him; nay, the priest could not see a thing. Where his sight was supposed to be, buzzards had laid their filthy nests. Gaping holes searched Fide, and Fide turned away.

A filigree atop the gate glinted under the falling sun. Fide looked at the sky. The heavens had been white not long before, not swept by cumulous clouds, but by sunlight. Now they were a thick, velvety grey and dawdled into deeper shadows. Something in the air shimmered and Fide felt his heart begin to sing a song that had existed for eternity: Excelsior! Ever upwards! He was where he was meant to be. Pressing against the stillness of the air, Fide walked towards a smaller gate.

hiatus.

2009-01-06T19:19:00.000-08:00

not that i haven’t taken a break from blogging before, but this time around the break is purposeful. =) nothing bad, but i have to get things into order, get my feet set into this year…

a growing trend...

2008-12-15T11:34:00.000-08:00

...or a better understanding of the love of Christ indwelling in us? following up to the post before this is a quote from the Transforming Sermons blog by a woman named Victoria Gaines:

"Understanding is a gift of grace. We won't get it from everybody, but sometimes that's all we need. Reprimands, isolation, and criticism never work for me, but a caring heart ministers deeply.

Too many times I've dispensed needless advice to a hurting friend when all she needed was a hug. Too many times I've misjudged a wrong attitude when it was just someone's fatigue talking. I'm learning to cut people slack and listen with the heart, realizing that our spiritual, emotional, and physical well-being are all intricately connected.

Listening with the heart takes practice. Discerning what a person needs {or doesn't need} comes as we're in tune with His Spirit. God always knows what we need. His Spirit will cultivate in us a compassionate, discerning, and caring heart. The more we experience His deeply personal ministry to us, the more we're able to comfort and understand others."

suffering is not hard to come by these days. any number of our friends are hurting from lost jobs, difficult family circumstances, life stage transitions, relational conflicts, battles with personal sin. if you think about it, it's the way of laziness that throws Luke 12, Philippians 4 at them and in essence says, "don't worry. you don't really get 'it' if you do." what's gained by crushing already bruised reeds? the real battle is fought with sweat and tears, in working these God-given truths out in real time, real life.

"What mystery of grace that God should allow me to take up the sword to battle being such a child"--Jim Elliot.

What a mysterious act of grace that God allows us to take up arms and fight alongside each other. We do an incredible disservice to one another when we pat a wounded soldier on the back and leave him floundering by himself in the middle of a spiritual war against sin. the victory's won by Christ! we need to push each other on towards this hope and light. i wish i knew this in college.

superficiality & substance.

2008-12-11T09:59:00.000-08:00

haha..what have i been beating my head over for the last few years? i think david wayne made such a good point about people and solid relationships.

http://jollyblogger.typepad.com/jollyblogger/2008/12/superficiality-as-the-foundation-for-meaningful-relationships.html

I think the Dane was saying that "conversations that 'matter'" are an important part of relationships but they aren't the be all and end all of them. I don't think you can ever get to those until you've gotten good and comfortable with the more superficial and trivial conversations. I mean really, it would be "deep" if my wife and I got into a conversation about the merits of supralapsarianism vs. infralapsarianism, but that won't "deepen" our relationship near as much as knowing that she likes tulips and I hate fish and me telling some silly story that makes her laugh. Similarly, when it comes to my guy friends, I always enjoy a deep theological conversation, and in the church there is lots of business that needs to be discussed, but those are the conversations of associates. Relationships are built on deep conversations about SEC football and endless "oh yeah, that's nothing, I can top that" stories.

Angels can fly because they take themselves lightly; devils fall because of their gravity.

to reach the pearl at the depths of an ocean, you have to first break the surface of the waves. this sounds so simple + fascinating to me. for so long i've been under the impression that no conversation is a good conversation if you haven't talked about your sins, wept a little, prayed for each other, talked about your exegesis through biblical text [i exaggerate a little, but you get the gist].

what's the best way to love someone the way God loved His people? get to know them, understand what gives them joy + serve them in that capacity, understand their weaknesses and run alongside them. care about them enough to build trust so that at the end of the day, when it comes down to sharing the sins, weeping over struggles + asking for accountability, there will be vulnerability, trust and honesty. be a friend.

brookline, boston.

2008-11-27T13:59:00.000-08:00

November 27th, 2008--Happy Turkey Day!

day 1 in boston, massachusetts! [technically where i am is brookline, MA--but boston is just a stone's throw away]. i arrived sleepy-eyed 6:52am EST and got picked up by paul jae [sister's hubbie] in a zipcar. took a few pictures i'm itching to edit already and post up here... [posted--enjoy!]

the eastcoast is beautiful this time of year. the air is crisp and the old buildings more harvested shades of gray and brick. we walked around north end [boston's version of little italy] and bought desserts, sandwiches, and checked out the building where my sister works. after seeing the city for a bit, we took the T back to the apartment.

the apartment is heated by a central heater...it's nice and toasty. the football game's on now, but we're all cooking and hanging out, not really watching the tv. the turkey will be ready at 8...a bit late to eat thanksgiving dinner, sure, but if we're all going to knock out after anyway, might as well be closer to bedtime!

boston.

2008-11-26T09:46:00.000-08:00

i woke up two hours later than planned this mornin....which made for a pretty hectic packing frenzy. but somehow, there was some spare time to write in here =), God is good!

as usual, when i don't have time, i overpack. my suitcase is stuffed to the brim, and i'm taking two carry ons. in my defense, im a born and raise cali girl with no clue as to what eastcoast winter has got to offer. the places i've traveled to in the past have: a) been close to the equator (meaning, even when its drizzly winter weather, it's still humid), or b) during good long jeans and light, breezy longsleeve weather. wow, now that i think about it, God has blessed me with some awesome travels in the past. the coldest place i've ever been to is either mammoth or new york during SPRING time, go figure....haha, i wore capris and sandals and my po' lil' toes froze...hot chocolate does wonders for times like thosee =)....i definitely prefer cold to hot weather though.

seems like i'm going to be rushing all day. after work ends at 6:30, i have to drive to john wayne and SOMEHOW catch a flight by 8..........how is this going to work? man, i really hope i don't miss my flight. i do love flyin' on planes =)

i'm really excited to see my fam in boston town.

songs of the redeemed.

2008-11-21T12:25:00.000-08:00

Psalm 107

this poem is unfinished but i thought i'd give you a peek into my writing processssssss!

Songs of the redeemed gathered in from the land
from horizon to horizon by His outstretched hands
From south to north and east to west
He offers His easy yoke, His kindly rest.

Droplets flicker to dust where sands billow and thunder
the wanderer slogs wearily, searching for a city of wonder
Grown hungry and thirsty he can’t find the city,
so he cries out to Abba, oh Lord, on me have pity!

He sends life He sends water
to moisten clay as loving Potter.
He leads to the city by a straight way,
where we can rest, where we can stay.

Thank the Lord for His steadfast love
sending the rain from His throne up above!
Praise God for all His wondrous deeds
He fills the longing soul and fills the hungry with good things!

Night brings sleep to the shackles, no comfort to be found,
abound hound mound pound round sound

fires 2008.

2008-11-15T23:07:00.000-08:00

seems i can’t escape the flames–last year it was the san diego fires, this year it’s the orange county fires. i took the 57 south today during the day time and the smoke in the sky looked like storm clouds. it’s pretty crazy–fires in carbon canyon, yorba linda, brea olinda, chino hills, anaheim hills. i’m watching footage of flames that are about 20 yards from a home. actually, not just one home, but a town of homes that are situated at a valley in the middle of circle of hills that are either blazing or flickering with embers. it looks like lava erratically flowing down, carried by the wind currents.

from my home i can smell the ashes and flames. there’s firetrucks in every driveway of every home in brea olinda. you can see the sirens flickering in the dark from overhead helicopter cameras–those lights and the glow from the fires are the only things lighting up the night. they’re getting ready and bracing themselves for what seems to be the inevitable–the fires are licking their way down to the homes and it’s terrifying to see. you can see a couple firemen waiting for the fire to jump and finally reach them. one of the news reporters remarked, "it must be intimidating to be those firemen who are just waiting to combat." they look very small in comparison to the raging flames. they’ve already anticipated that the flames would reach this area & have prepared to fight it with plenty of hoses and water. as much damage as the fires are going to do, the firemen are prepared and will, no doubt, save a couple homes in the process.

spiritual warfare is much the same. as we undergo the fires, the flames burning down our self-made structures of pride and self-sufficiency, some things will burn and some things will survive the inferno. but we don't go through all this alone--thank God that He is so much greater and more able than us to sustain life. fires remind us of our physical smallness; any feat of nature destroying things made by the hands of man is a reminder of this. spiritual fires remind us of our poverty of spirit and our desperate need for ther mercies of God. what will survive the flames? it’ll be the areas fortified and preserved by our Lord Protector–areas of humility, lessons in grace, dependency on the Holy Spirit for sanctification, knowledge of the character of God.

pray for the homes of the thousands evacuated from brea olinda--for the families who will struggle with much financial difficulty with what they might lose from this fire in light of this economy. pray that the unsaved people of orange county will turn to Christ as they realize the temporality of the things in the world.

EDIT:
the fires have spread crazily in chino hills--will be praying for those who have families there & for the people i know who live there now. the ash is heavy in fullerton and everything has a orange-ish hazy look to it.

EDIT:
fires in brea and yorba linda have died down, praise God! diamond bar area has a couple fires going on...my roommate diane's been evacuated. please keep her and her family in your prayers!

flittertigibbet.

2008-11-10T22:29:00.000-08:00

i did a 100 piece puzzle with some of my students the other day. it was a dinosaur puzzle, and every time i found a piece that matched up, i got a warm, satisfied feeling in my stomach. i got more excited than the kids did--i'm pretty sure they thought i was a little nuts, but after we finished, we carefully laid it on top of a large sheet of paper and put our names on it.

after that, i bought a 750 piece puzzle of a panoramic picture of New York. i also bought a puzzle carrier to go with it. i brought it in to work today & i watched the kids like hawks to make sure none of the pieces go astray. i can't imagine putting together 749 pieces to realize that the last one is missing.

as things click in to place and i get a fuller picture, i get more motivated to finish. the most frustrating part of the puzzle has to be putting together a sky [hundreds of pieces in varying shades of blue] or something of that nature.

puzzles are fun! did you know you can also do puzzles online?: http://www.teije.nl/puzzel/puzzles_spain.htm. i don't know. doing it online is not as exciting, i think.

this could potentially waste much time.

come, thou fount of every blessing.

2008-11-06T09:07:00.001-08:00

Come, thou Fount of every blessing,
tune my heart to sing thy grace;
streams of mercy, never ceasing,
call for songs of loudest praise.
Teach me some melodious sonnet,
sung by flaming tongues above.
Praise the mount! I'm fixed upon it,
mount of thy redeeming love.

Here I raise mine Ebenezer;
hither by thy help I'm come;
and I hope, by thy good pleasure,
safely to arrive at home.
Jesus sought me when a stranger,
wandering from the fold of God;
he, to rescue me from danger,
interposed his precious blood.

O to grace how great a debtor
daily I'm constrained to be!
Let thy goodness, like a fetter,
bind my wandering heart to thee.
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
prone to leave the God I love;
here's my heart, O take and seal it,
seal it for thy courts above.

i never had too much love for hymns. i used to find them dry and theologically loaded--combine that with the high-octave ranges of a lot of hymns and it doesnt make for an exciting worship session make.

a few years ago, however, we sang this hymn during Sunday service and it resounded so deeply within my heart that my appreciation for all hymns like it was sparked. the truth loaded in them stirs in my heart reminders of struggles acute to any redeemed sinner. im a thankless wanderer, a sinner who drifts away from the knowledge of Him. the only thing that anchors me are the fetters of His goodness that bind me to His courts above.

since then, i've learned to take a lot of joy in the hymns i took for granted as dusty and stuffy. but this one will always take the cake for me.

it's difficult to keep my mind focused on the fullness and saturating presence of El Shaddai who sustains everything in this world. it helps that fellow saints, past and present, give words to the desires of our heaven-bent souls.

speaking of good songs......some favorites playing on the ipod:

hello love album--chris tomlin (Jesus Messiah, You lifted me out, God of this city)
Your beloved-by the tree
everlasting God-chris tomlin
all that is within me album-mercy me (God with us, my heart will fly, finally home)
shane&shane (water of the word, Your grace is sufficient, wounded, healed)
because of you-ne-yo
better together-jack johnson

know of any good hymn cds? (preferably ones that are available for itunes purchase)

"hesed."

2008-11-03T19:09:00.000-08:00

"The Hebrew concept of hesed is “unfailing love.” It expresses one of the most beautiful concepts in Scripture. There are two main thoughts intertwined in this compelx Hebrew word. The first is that of mercy or kindness. The second is faithfulness (lamentations 3:22-23)" (Dee Brestin).

“A best friendship with a thinking person can be a catalyst in your life, helping you to reach beyond that which you’ve known before" (Dee Brestin)

those quotes about friendship and love between women are amazing to me. i read it from a book written on that very subject. i appreciate and am thankful for the brothers in my life, but the intimacy, comfort, empathy and fun that can be generated between two women is one that can't be recreated or impersonated between a man and a woman in the context of a friendship.

i made a day trip to san diego on friday night to spend the saturday with a small group of some of my closest college girl friends. the occasion was to have one last hurrah with one of the girls who's moving away to san jose on tuesday.

it was definitely a bittersweet day. in the morning before we all got together, keziah and i went to breakfast...we talked about how some of the closest friendships we've made over the years were formed through times of sweet joy and incredible friction. it reminded me of the metaphor that's famously used to describe how something beautiful can be created out of ugliness: an oyster makes a pearl through the constant irritation of a grain of sand.

A "natural pearl" is one that formed without any human intervention at all, in the wild, and is very rare. A "cultured pearl", on the other hand, is one that has been formed on a pearl farm. The great majority of pearls on the market are cultured pearls (wikipedia)

God's shown us incredible grace in the natural pearls He's placed in our lives. it's so much crazier when i think about how rare it is to have sisters like the ones that are in my life. it's special & possible because of the indwelling Spirit in us (acts 15:8). human effort can't generate or maintain friendships like these. they're sustained by the love of Christ that spurs us on (galatians 2:20).

For one will hardly die for a righteous man; though perhaps for the good man someone would dare even to die. But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. Much more then, having now been justified by His blood, we shall be saved from the wrath of God through Him (romans 5:7-9)

we love each other, support each other, miss each other. we learn about and from each other and become more like each other, balance out our differences + treasure the lessons that used to grate at us. through these girls, i've received words of comfort, biggest "i've-missed-you" hugs, harshest words of rebuke, random times of greatest fun. these friendships cost us a lot of personal sacrifice, hits to our pride and emotional pain. because of that, they caused us to grow the most. suffice it to say, these friendships were some of the hardest, but they ended up being the most worth it.

don't get me wrong. not every worthwhile friendship needs to undergo the heat, but when two friends go through the fire together and emerge in tact, the dross is removed and the silver shines brighter than before.

a real friend is one that doesn't stand by and watch you drown in your stubborn patterns of sin. they're the ones that gather the courage to gently confront and take you back to Christ. (proverbs 27:6) they show grace when you get discouraged by repeating failures. they choose to stay when the friendship goes through a season of rocks + tension. they see you, know you and tell you how God's working in your life better than you could ever objectively say.

a real friend is one who shares your zeal for the kingdom of God. they understand your desire for heaven while helping you rejoice in your time on earth. they're worth persevering, working, searching for...and if God decides for that season of friendship to quietly fade, these are women whom you can continue to love & pray for & desire to see do well, even from a distance.

“Love covers a multitude of sins" (1 Peter 4:8)

desiring God.

2008-11-02T09:33:00.000-08:00

the goldening of a supple leaf, the flight of a flock of geese,
the unnatural still of a silvery lake, a scent of spicy, pumpkin make.

in the month of october, the year finally feels like it’s coming to a close. for some people, october means burning the candle at both ends–taking inventory of a year’s worth of “to-do”s stock-piled for just this time, feeling that sense of panic that something worthwhile has to be produced before the close of the year, experiencing that dreaded feeling, “i wasted it! i wasted it...” octobers have always meant something different for me.

after 9 months of 2008 blowing by, octobers always slow me down a little bit. the fruit of the trees are dying, seeds are sleeping until the waters of winter and the sunshine of spring recreate the annual cycle. this year’s struggles were much different than last year’s–it was the gradual, unnoticeable shifting of the heart away from desiring God, a hardening of the heart, an apathy cloaked by circumstantial concerns.

all the great things are simple–sir winston churchill
how true is this? the greatest things of the practical christian faith aren’t the revival moments, the points-of-no-return, the challenges of personal sacrifice, persecution, the experiential. rather than running a race, we’d be walking a bizarre, halting dance, waiting for the next situation or circumstance to vault us towards our next step.

i’ve learned something beautiful through the Psalms. i can use the autumn season to describe a little of what that is exactly. the end of the year, most leaves turn beautiful shades of fiery reds, oranges, brilliant yellows, tans, browns, the occasional dung-green. animals start to migrate and hibernate, the nights come quicker. the earth settles into a two season slumber, and it patiently waits. this sleep doesn’t last forever. flora dies in hopes that the Creator will renew life. trees wither their leaves and flowers shed their petals not only with the hope that their seeds will fall and new life will sprout, but in full trust that the Father will restore its bloom. hope and trust will produce beauty & the natural things still exalt the Lord joyously.

somewhere i learned that out of all created things, humans are the only ones that don’t naturally worship their Creator. everything else exalts God just by being. trees stretch their branches towards the heavens, flowers splay their petals, all plants grow upward in worship with their roots firmly supplanted in the soil & nutrients that the Lord provides. all creatures feed from the provision of their Maker + take nothing more than is necessary for survival. the waterfalls thundering their praise, mountains standing in their silent majesty, forests whispering lushness all point to the greatness of their Creator. when the seasons change, so do they, dying and rebirthing every few months. they hope and trust in their worship. fallen, yes. imperfect, yes. but affected by the poison of the sin of man, their praise still fills the air.

my hope this year rested in the exhortation in psalm 27:
“Wait for the Lord; Be strong and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the Lord.”
but that waiting and hoping failed to produce the deep-seated joy one would expect from a worshiper of a most perfect and faithful God. instead, i grew listless, jaded, impatient.

later in the book of prayers and songs:

"My soul longed and even yearned for the courts of the Lord; my heart and my
flesh sing for joy to the living God…For the Lord God is a sun and shield;
the Lord gives grace and glory; no good thing does He withhold from those
who walk uprightly. O Lord of hosts, how blessed is the man who trusts in You!“ (psalm 84)
hope without a foundation of trust is empty and can’t produce joy. how do i fight for joy? how do i desire God? by trusting in His good character, His promises towards me. i believe that the Holy Spirit will stir in my heart a fire for His kingdom.

for everything there is a season, even the things we grapple & harbor deep anxieties and sorrows over. each day is a new lesson on how to die to ourselves so we can experience the rebirth that comes from the gospel of the cross, waiting, hoping and trusting that God will sanctify us so that we would seek His name and know that He alone is Lord, Most High over all the earth.

welcome aboard.

2008-10-30T22:32:00.000-07:00

paper airplanes suggest whimsy & caprice. paper is perishable & planes fly. i used to thrive by those characterizations by enjoying impermanence, valuing spontaneity in others, laughing away my contradictions & flaws, living moment to moment and seeing the world in simple shades of black and white. the root of all that was a lust for self-fulfillment in a search for freedom. i hopped planes to exotic destinations, wrote away my inspirations in poetry & unfinished short stories, threw myself in academia and invested the rest of the remaining time into the lives of people & divesting the sunken-in feeling in the middle of my chest by attempting to love them without giving too much of myself (in retrospect, a large and impossible task). (image courtesy of flickr: tonibird).

i considered this freedom, i saw this as real flight. it wasn't until i experienced true freedom offered by the blood of Christ that i saw the shackles that bound me tighter and tighter in the lies of the world and the deceitfulness of my own heart (jeremiah 17:9). by investing my heart and all its resources in the things of this earthly domain, i was straying further from my Lord God. a rough sketch of what john piper said describes perfectly what i was doing: i was eating from the table of the world so that i was too full to drink from His fountain.

by the grace of God, He took me to Lighthouse Bible Church in San Diego, CA. here i learned what true freedom was.

"But now having been freed from sin and enslaved to God, you derive your benefit, resulting in sanctification, and the outcome, eternal life (romans 6:22)

For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has set you free from the law of sin and of death. (romans 8:2)

It was for freedom that Christ set us free; therefore keep standing firm and do not be subject again to a yoke of slavery. (galatians 5:1)

For you were called to freedom, brethren; only do not turn your freedom into an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another. (galatians 5:13)"

the true adventure isn't found in flitting away the days. the amazing realization was that my life hadn't really begun until i gave it up to Christ so that i could receive His atonement on my behalf for the sins that kept me from the safe folds of my Father's robes. where i was once a slave to sin, i am now free to be a bondslave to Christ. i am enabled by the Holy Spirit to love truly and more deeply, to know the character of my transcendent God (jeremiah 9:13), to joyfully proclaim that this life is not mine but under His sovereign care and direction.

i once saw the roots of a tree + groaned at the grip it had on the soil that fed it. the perennial monotony terrified and bored me. i saw the wings of a bird and how it caught the breeze and soared and i smiled at its foot loose and fancy free life. how foolish to see substance in a life lived in such a way! since the seeds of the gospel were planted in my heart, God has faithfully shown me that my love for the Word has to be like the tree's roots to the earth around it: intimate, thirsting, dependent, unceasing, daily.

this kind of life is one with the deep, soul-satisfying purpose of loving God, knowing Him, and giving Him all the glory and praise. He is our awesome God, wonderful in holiness, majestic in His purity, terrifying in His justice, wonderful in His grace and mercy. He draws us and keeps us.

i have to confess: when i am shown the gross realities of my sin time + time again and am reminded how i would fail without the mercies of God, i am tempted to run back to my old habits. but Christ is the anchor of my soul and ever stays me on the hope of His salvation (hebrews 6:19-20). i also want to share this part of the journey honestly, albeit probably in an abridged form.

why the blog name "paper airplanes" then? the one thing that's unchanged over all this time is my love for putting pen to paper. where before this served as an avenue for my overactive imagination, i see it now as a God-given passion.

thispaperairplane isn't a blog i made to mark a heedless and haphazard flight. i do have a true lightness in my spirit that is tempered by the truths of the Word. i hope it will be marked by a search for the same type of simplicity and simultaneous look at the heavens.