welcome aboard.

paper airplanes suggest whimsy & caprice. paper is perishable & planes fly. i used to thrive by those characterizations by enjoying impermanence, valuing spontaneity in others, laughing away my contradictions & flaws, living moment to moment and seeing the world in simple shades of black and white. the root of all that was a lust for self-fulfillment in a search for freedom. i hopped planes to exotic destinations, wrote away my inspirations in poetry & unfinished short stories, threw myself in academia and invested the rest of the remaining time into the lives of people & divesting the sunken-in feeling in the middle of my chest by attempting to love them without giving too much of myself (in retrospect, a large and impossible task). (image courtesy of flickr: tonibird).

i considered this freedom, i saw this as real flight. it wasn't until i experienced true freedom offered by the blood of Christ that i saw the shackles that bound me tighter and tighter in the lies of the world and the deceitfulness of my own heart (jeremiah 17:9). by investing my heart and all its resources in the things of this earthly domain, i was straying further from my Lord God. a rough sketch of what john piper said describes perfectly what i was doing: i was eating from the table of the world so that i was too full to drink from His fountain.

by the grace of God, He took me to Lighthouse Bible Church in San Diego, CA. here i learned what true freedom was.

"But now having been freed from sin and enslaved to God, you derive your benefit, resulting in sanctification, and the outcome, eternal life (romans 6:22)

For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has set you free from the law of sin and of death. (romans 8:2)

It was for freedom that Christ set us free; therefore keep standing firm and do not be subject again to a yoke of slavery. (galatians 5:1)

For you were called to freedom, brethren; only do not turn your freedom into an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another. (galatians 5:13)"

the true adventure isn't found in flitting away the days. the amazing realization was that my life hadn't really begun until i gave it up to Christ so that i could receive His atonement on my behalf for the sins that kept me from the safe folds of my Father's robes. where i was once a slave to sin, i am now free to be a bondslave to Christ. i am enabled by the Holy Spirit to love truly and more deeply, to know the character of my transcendent God (jeremiah 9:13), to joyfully proclaim that this life is not mine but under His sovereign care and direction.

i once saw the roots of a tree + groaned at the grip it had on the soil that fed it. the perennial monotony terrified and bored me. i saw the wings of a bird and how it caught the breeze and soared and i smiled at its foot loose and fancy free life. how foolish to see substance in a life lived in such a way! since the seeds of the gospel were planted in my heart, God has faithfully shown me that my love for the Word has to be like the tree's roots to the earth around it: intimate, thirsting, dependent, unceasing, daily.

this kind of life is one with the deep, soul-satisfying purpose of loving God, knowing Him, and giving Him all the glory and praise. He is our awesome God, wonderful in holiness, majestic in His purity, terrifying in His justice, wonderful in His grace and mercy. He draws us and keeps us.

i have to confess: when i am shown the gross realities of my sin time + time again and am reminded how i would fail without the mercies of God, i am tempted to run back to my old habits. but Christ is the anchor of my soul and ever stays me on the hope of His salvation (hebrews 6:19-20). i also want to share this part of the journey honestly, albeit probably in an abridged form.

why the blog name "paper airplanes" then? the one thing that's unchanged over all this time is my love for putting pen to paper. where before this served as an avenue for my overactive imagination, i see it now as a God-given passion.

thispaperairplane isn't a blog i made to mark a heedless and haphazard flight. i do have a true lightness in my spirit that is tempered by the truths of the Word. i hope it will be marked by a search for the same type of simplicity and simultaneous look at the heavens.