desiring God.

the goldening of a supple leaf, the flight of a flock of geese,
the unnatural still of a silvery lake, a scent of spicy, pumpkin make.

in the month of october, the year finally feels like it’s coming to a close. for some people, october means burning the candle at both ends–taking inventory of a year’s worth of “to-do”s stock-piled for just this time, feeling that sense of panic that something worthwhile has to be produced before the close of the year, experiencing that dreaded feeling, “i wasted it! i wasted it...” octobers have always meant something different for me.

after 9 months of 2008 blowing by, octobers always slow me down a little bit. the fruit of the trees are dying, seeds are sleeping until the waters of winter and the sunshine of spring recreate the annual cycle. this year’s struggles were much different than last year’s–it was the gradual, unnoticeable shifting of the heart away from desiring God, a hardening of the heart, an apathy cloaked by circumstantial concerns.

all the great things are simple–sir winston churchill

how true is this? the greatest things of the practical christian faith aren’t the revival moments, the points-of-no-return, the challenges of personal sacrifice, persecution, the experiential. rather than running a race, we’d be walking a bizarre, halting dance, waiting for the next situation or circumstance to vault us towards our next step.

i’ve learned something beautiful through the Psalms. i can use the autumn season to describe a little of what that is exactly. the end of the year, most leaves turn beautiful shades of fiery reds, oranges, brilliant yellows, tans, browns, the occasional dung-green. animals start to migrate and hibernate, the nights come quicker. the earth settles into a two season slumber, and it patiently waits. this sleep doesn’t last forever. flora dies in hopes that the Creator will renew life. trees wither their leaves and flowers shed their petals not only with the hope that their seeds will fall and new life will sprout, but in full trust that the Father will restore its bloom. hope and trust will produce beauty & the natural things still exalt the Lord joyously.

somewhere i learned that out of all created things, humans are the only ones that don’t naturally worship their Creator. everything else exalts God just by being. trees stretch their branches towards the heavens, flowers splay their petals, all plants grow upward in worship with their roots firmly supplanted in the soil & nutrients that the Lord provides. all creatures feed from the provision of their Maker + take nothing more than is necessary for survival. the waterfalls thundering their praise, mountains standing in their silent majesty, forests whispering lushness all point to the greatness of their Creator. when the seasons change, so do they, dying and rebirthing every few months. they hope and trust in their worship. fallen, yes. imperfect, yes. but affected by the poison of the sin of man, their praise still fills the air.

my hope this year rested in the exhortation in psalm 27:

“Wait for the Lord; Be strong and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the Lord.”

but that waiting and hoping failed to produce the deep-seated joy one would expect from a worshiper of a most perfect and faithful God. instead, i grew listless, jaded, impatient.

later in the book of prayers and songs:

"My soul longed and even yearned for the courts of the Lord; my heart and my
flesh sing for joy to the living God…For the Lord God is a sun and shield;
the Lord gives grace and glory; no good thing does He withhold from those
who walk uprightly. O Lord of hosts, how blessed is the man who trusts in You!“ (psalm 84)

hope without a foundation of trust is empty and can’t produce joy. how do i fight for joy? how do i desire God? by trusting in His good character, His promises towards me. i believe that the Holy Spirit will stir in my heart a fire for His kingdom.

for everything there is a season, even the things we grapple & harbor deep anxieties and sorrows over. each day is a new lesson on how to die to ourselves so we can experience the rebirth that comes from the gospel of the cross, waiting, hoping and trusting that God will sanctify us so that we would seek His name and know that He alone is Lord, Most High over all the earth.